On The Buses with Margaret Thatcher

Margaret Thatcher once reportedly said: "A man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on a bus can count himself as a failure."

As someone well over the age of 26, I find myself a failure several times a week. But perhaps I am not alone.

The bus complaint form for Transport for London suggests the vehicles should now be reconsidered an upmarket form of transport.

Besides the conventional Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms, the form allows you to describe youself as, among others, Prof, Sir, Air Cdr, Dame, Cardinal, Baron, Sheikh, Sqn Ldr, Viscount, Viscountess, Imam and Marquess.

There is even a distinction between Baroness and Rt Hon Baroness to appease privy councillors.

It gets better. You can complain as a Prince, Princess, Laird, Dowager Lady, Mayor, Pastor, Rt Revd, Ambassador, Duke, Earl and HRH.

So the day your bus is too full to stop at your stop because it's carrying Prince Charles, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Duke of Westminster, Dame Kelly Holmes, Viscount Tenby, Sheikh Mansour and Baroness Thatcher herself is the day you will know she was wrong.